Let me confess to you that I was hopeless at making small talk! Atleast I was until a few weeks ago. I was pathetic at the ‘connect’ with people on a personal level. Yeah, I could make conversation and also keep a group lively. I can perk up people with motivation and regale them with wit and humor. But when it comes to engaging someone in small talk especially when I bump into them unexpectedly, I was wanting. Here, I have to mention that I was the ‘go-to’ person whenever people wanted solutions, but I would never be approached if people wanted to chat casually. Infact, I would somehow manage to repel even those few who would approach me.
Then I watched charismatic people closely and figured out their ‘connect’ with people and what drew or attracted people to them. I figured out that they were very casual with their demeanor and would show a genuine interest in people. I would hear them talk to people very personally and obligingly.
I learnt and figured that, while engaging people in small talk, two things are a strict no-no – EGO and INHIBITION. These two emotions hinder us from engaging the other person. These evoke a feeling of ‘superiority’ or ‘inferiority’ and hampers people from being attracted. If we bring in these two feelings to the table (or corridor) when we make casual and informal talk, we automatically give way for an emotional disconnect and we botch up many things.
Another thing that I figured out if we need to be successful in engaging people is avoiding the ‘need to control’. Humanly, we feel the need to control the conversation and behave that we are the ‘know all’, but this disengages the conversation. We are created with 2 ears and 1 mouth. So speak less and listen more. There is also no need to have all answers and solutions. Sometimes, a smile and ears is all that is required to be a good conversationalist! I am incorporating these and am pretty successful in my ‘small talk’ now. I will keep you posted on the ‘super success’
