I loved this letter!!

This is the kind of letter that i want to write to the many services that i avail of........ i have reproduced this letter that i got as a forward from someone. With due respect to the author (wherever he is) .............read on ..............

Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties – or more likely (I suspect) so that youcan have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:
My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website….HOW?
I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes – an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools – such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived… six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.
I estimate your internet server’s downtime is roughly 35%… hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman…and several other variations on this theme.
Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another oneof those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly Idon’t care, it’s far more satisfying as a customer to voice myfrustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,therefore, if I continue.
I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy piss-pot ofgod-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be moredisinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service totheir customers. That’s why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn’tanyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discoveredto my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a uselessshower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces ofdistended rectum incompetents of the highest order.
British Telecom – w**kers though they are – shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver – any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity anddisbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit – they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.
Have a nice day – may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Customer Service in India

Have you seen business establishments that proclaim “Customer is King”, some even say “Customer is GOD”. Is this true in the Indian context ? Tall claims are made in every establishment about treating the customer with utmost care and respect. There are even customer service departments / desks in place in many businesses.
Let me appraise you of the reality of customer care in India, which many of you would have come across in your daily life.
India has grown leaps and bounds in the way it conducts business. Businesses have learnt the art of wooing more customers using innovative ways. There are GOMBA’s (Grossly Over-paid MBA’s) who devise “customer centric” strategies to attract customers and sell their products and services. Millions are spent on campaigns to make customers purchase their wares. Be it chocolates or cars, soaps or software, there are luring advertisements for every brand and celebrities to endorse them.
The customer is also spoilt for choices and options. If he wants a certain product, there are a dozen brands to choose from and umpteen salespersons to “help” him purchase it.
Nowadays, there are swanky malls and glitzy showrooms to let the customer have that “wonderful experience” to purchase what he wants.
Once the purchase / sale / subscription is completed, the product is handed over with a ‘smile’ to the customer and the customer is handed over to the ‘customer service department’.
If the product or service purchased by the customer works as it should, it is the customer’s good fortune. If it is faulty or deficient, then starts the rigmarole of getting it replaced through interacting with the ‘Customer-Service’ department.
There are many businesses who strive hard to give a quality product and also have trained people in handling customers. But there are flaws that creep in.
Most present day sales people are made aware of the 80/20 principle (i.e. 80% of the business comes from 20% of the customers) and they are asked to treat the customer as their own.
But at the end of the day, they seem to forget it and forget to establish a long term relationship with the customer.
After the sale is made, the customer is treated with apathy, to say the least, or at the most, he is made to bide his time, face inordinate delays or run from pillar to post before getting the product rectified.
There was is this swanky superstore chain from where I purchased quite an expensive product and asked the product to be delivered home as I couldn’t carry it with me. I was promised delivery of the product within 7 days (and service with a smile). It was more than 10 days and my purchased item didn’t arrive. I called up the store and described my predicament and was promptly put on to the “customer service desk”. After a maze of queries and people, I was put onto the “person” in charge of dispatching my purchased item. He made some enquiries and traced my product and said it would be sent to my residence in 2-3 days, as the store policy was to send the item within 15 days (remember the salesperson said 7 days). He duly apologized for the delay and said that I could talk to him anytime and thanked me for my patience (should I feel like a “king” for this). After 3 more days, there was no sign of my product so I called up the store and asked for my ‘helpful service assistant’, only to be told that he was on vacation. I was again put onto the “customer service desk” who again asked me the same questions before putting me on to another ‘helpful service assistant’. I was losing my cool now! He again made the same enquiries and said that my product would be delivered the next day at 12 noon. I told him that it was a weekday and requested him to make the delivery after 6 PM. He told me that they don’t make deliveries after 5 PM (company policy you see!). I made arrangements to be there at home when the promised ‘delivery’ would occur and waited, and waited ………… for a good 4 hours after the promised time. Then the delivery people arrived and my joy knew no bounds.
Finally !!
Then they opened the product only to realize that it was the wrong package. Besides, the person who came from the store did not know how to assemble the product (the right product came after another day).
It was quite a hassle with the “customer service desk” before I got my product.
Right now I need to get an NOC from a finance company for a loan that I cleared 6 months ago. I have interacted with a dozen customer service reps, sent over half a dozen faxes and e-mails but I am still not able to get my hands on the piece of document. My request that they fax me a copy of the NOC before the original arrives was turned down as it wasn’t the company policy and the customer service desk only takes requests and forwards them to the concerned department. Phew!!
I am sure everyone of you who is reading this blog has some kind of an experience with the Customer Service akin to mine.

A lot has to be done in India, about providing quality Customer service and addressing the genuine concerns of a customer. It is not enough if policies are made and claims are displayed.
As the disposable income in India grows and customers are willing to spend more, it is about time, business establishments put in place Customer Service help in true spirit and educate the personnel that the sales process does not end with selling the product. And it isn’t sufficient if the Customer is made to feel like a King only until he pays for it.